You Know I’m Bad—for Some Moore…

Ohh…are you being good? Behaviors can be learned by observation, example, order, or correction. What is the difference between how behaviors are learned and corrected in humans and animals? 

TRAINING BEHAVIOR IN HUMANS
The first way humans learn behavior is through observational learning of a behavior, attitude, or emotional expression. A baby, even before understanding words, observes how to act from watching actions and gestures from others, as was discovered by Albert Bandura, an American-Canadian psychologist in 1961. When a baby is just over a year old, the baby starts to learn the association of gestures with words. Parents introduce words which accompany gestures to indicate simple orders such as “yes”, “no”,  “stop”, “don’t”, and “come here”. The baby begins to develop vocabulary and respond with gestures to communicate. Once a child reaches adolescence, and are able to distinguish between right and wrong, they may question why they are asked to do something. They are either obedient to rules or use abstract reasoning to determine how they will react. A person might be conditioned to follow a rule, and do so in obedience, simply because they know it is right or wrong. This is typical of younger children. However, as a child grows into adulthood, they use reasoning to consider the options they have and what consequences might be associated with these decisions.

Positive Conditioning
Conditioning Behavior
Behaviors can be conditioned with rules, procedures, and expectations in place. Rules have set consequences which are most effective if they are served as soon as a rule is broken. Rules are stated and understood at the beginning of any endeavor, and if a rule is broken, there is a punishment which should be expected. Procedures on the other hand, outline the how-to process for an expected behavior of which there are no consequences. It is important for teachers to have these in place at the beginning of the school year. It establishes structure and guidelines that help prevent unruliness in the classroom. Without these stated and enforced, classes can be difficult to manage because with each individual comes to the classroom with their own idea of what is expected.

Modeling is another way to teach expected behavior in a positive manner. Both children and adults learn visually through observation and being shown how to do something. In a social setting, a person might observe other people and adjust how they act to match them appropriate to the setting. A teacher might use modeling in the classroom to point out how a student is demonstrating good behavior for the class to follow. An airline attendant may show travelers on an airline how to use oxygen masks in case of emergency.

Ordering is another way people learn to behave. Firmly, yet respectfully giving an order can be effective. Yelling orders, demanding behavior, without any respect, can have very little effect other than trying to intimidate the person to conform. Within the workplace, a manager might give orders to their staff that they need to stay on task to meet a deadline.

Having consequences in place helps behavior stay on track but gives a person the freedom of being able to know what happens if they don’t follow them. Part of the responsibility of being an adult is being able to have the freedom to make decisions by oneself taking into consideration consequences. Considering the consequences before doing something that may break the rules, helps a person evaluate whether a bad behavior is worth the punishment. Before a person breaks the law, they should consider that they might get caught, be fined, or go to jail. The behavior or result of the behavior, might be more important for an individual than the consequence. For others, the consequences restrain the person from pursuing a behavior which could compromise their safety or that of another person’s.

There are people who also have erratic behaviors which can be the result of medical issues or affected by drugs or alcohol. Behavior also affected by spontaneity, and irresponsibility—at the spur of the moment what seems like a good idea overcomes any rational thought process. Unwritten rules of our society might also affect behavior which is erratic, and these who act out of what is acceptable within society can be subjected to social consequences.

Positive Reinforcement
Positivity is always a good rule of thumb when it comes to behavior and reformation. A responsible person with a well-formed conscience is able to correct themselves. Although not immune to human error, they realize when their behavior is out of line, and seek to change their behavior to do what is right. Even if it is bad behavior that is repeated, they have a positive attitude knowing it is something which they can work on.

A positive attitude can be used to correct bad behavior in another person or in oneself. Even the most self-motivated person who wants to reform their behavior, is capable of slipping back into bad behavior. If a person has a positive attitude and can forgive themselves of their imperfection, they can continue to persevere at good behavior until they perfect it, and probably be very successful in their efforts. For those who need another person to hold them accountable, a positive spirit from an accountability partner can keep a person on track especially in the cases when temptation tries to win out over resolution. Just like a bridge from old behavior to new behavior, using positive reinforcement can help pave the way over falling into despair caused by not holding to new resolutions. People like to understand that they are good and are doing a good job. By complimenting a person on their achievements and letting them know they are doing well can add wonders to their morale and self-confidence. Finding qualities that can be praised as part of reformation helps encourage correction.

Using incentives is another way to reward success. Especially for more challenging transformations of behavior, it is a good idea to have a plan in place. Strategizing how to change a behavior might include making a list of objectives of desired results, a list of reasons to serve as reminders of why it the transformation is necessary, and ideas for rewards for achievements along the way. Some behaviors take longer to change than others. Earning incentives for good behavior can make working for new resolutions more fun!

Life Experiences
Life experiences can motivate a person to change behavior. The life experience might be learned from one’s self or from witnessing the life experiences of others. A person might go through a life-changing experience which changes their perspective enough to make them committed to change their behavior. A person who becomes addicted to a substance might suffer in such a way that their situation ‘wakes them up’ to not continuing. The person can even find support with groups of others who can help them keep on the path of recovery and be committed to making better choices. Likewise, a person can learn from another’s experience. A friend’s story can leave such an impact which causes them to rethink their own behaviors and become committed to changing their own life.

Repetition
Repetition also contributes to correcting bad behavior. Repeating a mantra that a certain action should not be done, reinforces that it shouldn’t. Having constant reminders to stay on the path of good behavior helps keep resolutions at the forefront of the mind. Relearning helps build new habits to foster steady good behavior.   

Negative Conditioning
Correcting behavior the wrong way can be classified as forms of abuse. Physical contact, verbal correction, and manipulation are sometimes used as ways to correct, but they are also more likely to be classified as abuse. Whether physical contact is abusive or not is determined by the evidence, what the intent is, if a minor or adult is involved, how hard the force, and an evaluation of the severity from the damage. Examples of physical correction are grabbing an arm to hold it back, spanking a child, slapping a face, beating someone, burning someone, or hitting or harming a person using a weapon, rape and other ways. Verbal comments can also be abusive. Harsh words, yelling at a person, name calling, harassment are all ways which can cause emotional damage. Even if a person is angry, correcting a person should be done firmly, but using gentle words. It is usually unproductive to yell although it may help vent feelings. Manipulation is also commonly used as a last resort when no other means of correction seem to work. While this may be effective as a way to bring about the desired behavior in a person, there is deception involved which leads to mistrust and resentment. The short-term good of achieving correction, is brought about by the evil from manipulation. Correcting behavior in another person is more likely if it is the person’s willful choice to change, rather than by tricking them using deceptive means.

The Effects of Positive Reinforcement on Humans for Correcting Behavior
How effective is it to use positive reinforcement as a means for correction rather than negative reinforcement? For one it is more likely to have a successful outcome. People generally respond to positiveness better rather than being forced into correction. It also is less risky. Using negative means for correcting behavior show that the person correcting an individual has less control over the situation. They are resorting to force to yield an outcome. In many ways, it is the way an adult might correct a child who they have lost control over. They resort to yelling, spanking, or manipulation. Adults who have not mastered positive reinforcement can also use these methods as a way to correct other adults. It generally does not work, because by adulthood there is a knowledge of one’s own independency and an expectation of individual respectfulness. Positive reinforcement and patience is more likely to work for both children and adults. It builds up the individual and guides them to making better choices on their own. The result is that the adult is proud that they have achieved a desired behavior, because it was their decision to change. Using negative methods, forces behavior that is likely to only change out of fear of further abuse.

Effects of Therapy for Abuse and Disorders
Counseling is an effective means for those who seek to change their behavior, those who have been physically or emotionally abused, and for those with disorders. Counseling can provide positive reinforcement while the individual works through their individual situations. Sharing information in a counseling environment provides professional guidance in a safe environment, with a qualified professional.

The Success Rate of Prison as a Means of Effectively Correcting Humans
Persistence in changing one’s own behavior pays off as some behaviors can land a person in prison. Most prisons offer in-prison rehabilitation programs which help identify criminal tendencies and solve recidivism, a person’s relapse into criminal behavior. These in-prison rehabilitation programs have been successful in reducing recidivism by up to 35% to prevent future crimes. According to the California legislature, there are 8 significant criminal risk factors: antisocial behavior, antisocial personality, criminal thinking, antisocial relationships, poor relationships with family and/or spouse, low performance at school and at work, low social engagement for leisure or recreational activities, and substance abuse. Rehabilitation programs can help lower the criminal risk of people who display these characteristics. Prison education, employment, and health treatment programs offer a number of directions to prisoners can provide hope to prisoners setting them on a new road for their future.

TRAINING BEHAVIOR IN ANIMALS
Both humans and animals have the ability to be trained to change their behavior. In 1902, Ivan Pavlov, a Russian psychologist, studied behaviors in dogs and learned they could be trained to recognize an object to trigger a response. He noticed that a dog’s salivation changed when food was placed in front of the dog. Pavlov was able to condition a dog to have the same behavior using an unconditioned stimulus which was then associated with the response. For example, a dog started to saliva when there was food. A bell was introduced. The dog was trained that when a bell was present, food would be present. Therefore, the dog was conditioned to learn that the bell meant food and so he would start to saliva. When the bell was shown to the dog, the dog started to saliva because he knew that food was coming.

Symbols used to Trigger Behavior in Children and Adults
Conditioning is common in children especially in elementary school who are grasping new concepts of structure and order. They learn that certain symbols and colors have meaning and that they are expected to recognize and act on these. Teachers use call-and-response techniques to manage classroom behavior. Teachers teach students short, clever rhymes to let the student know they need to stop what they are doing and pay attention. They also use hand gestures and clapping as part of their call-and-response. Students respond to desired behaviors while having fun communicating back to the teacher that they understand what needs to be done. Adults also learn symbols which have meaning. Traffic signs are symbols of what behavior is expected from a driver or pedestrian. Behavior is trained so that we know how to drive and cross the street. There are also consequences which result when a driver or pedestrian does not follow these signs.

Similarities Between Learned Behavior in Animals and in Humans
Animals and humans learn behavior through positive reinforcement, observation, and repetition. Animals and humans respond to positive praise. Visually both learn what behavior is expected. Practicing behavior repeatedly helps master a new behavior. While most may assume that humans have a higher intellect than animals, this is not necessarily the case. Animals can be very intellectual and have the keen ability to sense danger, have an awareness of their surroundings, and the ability to communicate through sound. Most animals can be trained to new behaviors, although most respond to stimuli while humans are more likely to make decisions for their own new behavior for the sake of self-improvement.

Taming the Differences
It is more likely that an animal is subjected to physical conditioning as a way to learn behavior. It would be thought of as abuse to use a stick to train a child, but with a dog, there is no thought to using a stick or a leash for correction and to control them. Animals are submissive to humans, for whatever behavior the human wants of them—if no other reason of having no choice because of their confinement. They are taken from a community of same animals and are in a human’s kingdom, the house. They do not have any organizations they can call for help or support. At the mercy of the human, they hope for the best care. The human on the other hand at least has access to support organizations and resources available for abusive situations.

Human Differentiation Between the Behavioral Bias
Humans are conditioned best with intellect and a positive attitude. In George Orwell’s book 1984, he writes about a community called the Proles. These are people who have their own community within a larger government-controlled community they do not interact frequently with. The Proles are more concerned about their immediate world. They preserve the human spirit, are a feisty group of people, focused on love, hard work, are of a lower social level, and do not keep up with the world outside of their own. These Proles could be compared to the typical large retail stores of today, such as Walmart. As hearty, blue-collared employees they may have been with the store for many years and have built a bond and community with other employees who have been there for a long period of time. For these large discount retail stores, such as this one, it is typical that there is a community which forms within the store. The demographic is that of one which might be more social, less accepting of others, composed of individuals with lower education levels, a higher degree of attitude, and a need for order. These people need a structured system. They may fight the system with an attitude and break the rules but they need structure to align themselves to for productivity and success as individuals and as a whole. Obedience is also more likely, because rules and expectations are clear, but so is rebellion.

The next stage of education level is those who have a professional nature and maintain inner discipline and self-control. They readily adaptable to working with others. These people tend to accept others easier and realize that productivity is more important. Although structure is needed for behaviors, such as an HR policy, there isn’t much need for consequences for broken policy from management as all are expected to be adults. These employees require a looser managed structure because they are able to control their own behaviors.

People who are of an even higher intellect, need minimal to no structure. They typically are responsible for controlling others, and while they control themselves, they think in a wider capacity and have an ability to do more within their position. No rules can apply to them because they typically choose to live outside of any system’s rules. While they are capable of making larger decisions for the good of society or people, they also are capable of great damage. They typically do not misbehave, but they are not obedient to the small man’s laws. Overall, these people may break the rules or law, but typically they are loyal to their responsibility and make decisions for the good of people. Any bad behavior at an advanced level usually falls into loop-holes and is justified because the good outcome outweighs the bad. There is a reason in other words.

Correctional facilities apply to all. However the more intellect a person has and is a respected within society, despite whether what they do is good or bad, they are more likely not to go to a correctional facility. Quick thinkers also fall into this category as well, however, they are more likely to be institutionalized than those with caliber in society. Intellect is not necessarily defined upon education level. Speed is also a sign of intellect. Some people think so quickly they are able to twist the current system to their benefit and fool the entire population.

In the end, it is one’s own behavior for which one is ultimately accountable. Each must be responsible for guiding their own conscience for good and striving to go in the direction of good behavior over the tendency for making bad choices. This doesn’t necessarily mean a person lives less fully by having good behavior. It means they care about other people in the world who their behaviors may affect and for their own eternal good.


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Personality of Coronavirus

I am surprised at how compliant everyone has been with wearing a mask. It is mandatory within stores and public buildings, but it is just as common to see people wearing masks outside exercising. In Texas, even with the heat in the 100’s, people are continuing to wear masks outdoors, sweating from fear of the Coronavirus.

I think it would be interesting to do a psychological study of people based on how much they are masking themselves. As concern for the Coronavirus has continued, I’ve noticed people covering up their faces more and more. In retail environments where there have been the most people, I have seen people so covered up you cannot even see their face! How can the police even identify a thief anymore? Women are seen wearing large sunglasses and masks so that only their foreheads are left uncovered. Men wear bandanas that cover up the entire bottom half of their face below their eyes. Whereas in most cases it is difficult to implement any kind of policy, somehow wearing a mask is not even questioned. There are very few people who argue with it. How many of these are wearing a mask for prevention reasons and how many are wearing it because of psychological needs for safety, security, love, and belonging?

I have seen people who have their entire face covered. Is this a sign of care and security that the person is trying to create for themselves? Does the amount of coverage of the face signify fulfilling a need of self-love and way of conquering pain in their life, like trying to swaddle themselves in a baby blanket? Or maybe it is coverage from the fear of contracting the virus built up from all the hype and coverage of media, rather than the virus itself.

Perhaps for some, it is a way to physically look better or a means to lose weight. Sweating under a mask burns off calories on an entirely different area of the body than is typical. Similarly, with weight loss, how is it that a person can breathe who is exercising with their mouth and nose covered? I had a gym membership and it was manageable to walk on a treadmill at a slow speed with a mask on. However, any faster cardio activity was nearly impossible as the mask restrained breathing and caused my face to become really hot. Do people who workout intensely masked think it will strengthen their lungs by restraining their air? For those who are self-conscious about the bottom half of their face, it provides a chance to keep it hidden, but for most of us, we need a full supply of air. Likewise, it is a mystery to me how cyclists are able to ride their bikes completely masked. Yet many of them are cycling miles around the lake at the same speed as normal. How many of the walkers and runners with dogs on a leash do not care that the Coronavirus can be contracted to their pet? Where are the pet masks? Wouldn’t it make more sense if both pet and owner wore a mask or didn’t?

Living in a self-expressive era, people are eager to express themselves and show their personality and style. For those who care to express themselves by mask, wearing a unique mask is a way to do this. The number of styles I have seen have ranged from glitter and bling, to exaggerated mouths on the mask, patriotic versions, cartoons, and plenty of different colors and patterns. Those who love to sew, were quick to see the Coronavirus as an opportunity to show their skills. Handmade masks were made and distributed to friends and family members. Many still wear the basic disposable, blue and white mask. Bandanas also have been a quick makeshift for a mask, easily made by folding a bandana into thirds and popping hair bands on each end.

Very few people are actually practicing social distancing with 6 feet of space, but wearing a mask is followed by nearly the entire population and has become a trend. Has self-expression and the trend for fashion tied in with keywords like “social distancing” created a fad to drive compliancy?

Health and self-expression are always going to be top-sellers when it comes to the general public. Having an ailment or a special condition, makes you a commodity. We see this with parents and their children. “My child has ADHD”, or whatever other symptom, suddenly makes the child “special” and the parents have a topic to talk about. Topics revolve around the problem with their child, rather than emphasizing what the child excels in. This is a way parents can converse with one another encountering less feeling of inadequacy. Empathy can be found with a health issue, whereas bragging on talent might create adversity with another parent. The same type of approach applies to adult-to-adult conversation. Adults would rather discuss their woes rather than talk about what is uplifting. How many older people talk about their pains, medications and doctors visits when it would be more pleasant to hear about their life experiences. It creates a concern for self, which results in compassion from the other person. With the Coronavirus everyone gets a special band-aid pasted on their face.

It is understandable that vulnerable populations such as the elderly might have a greater fear of catching the Coronavirus. One would think that children would be of a higher concern as well. In retail store environments, I have heard mothers question why their children must wear a mask or if an exception can be made. Events and kids meals might make exceptions for kids, but with smaller lungs and little bodies, it would seem obvious they would fall into the high concern bracket. Psychologically is it that the parent feels neglected of care and must nurture themselves by wearing a mask while giving the child the benefit of freedom? The parent positions him or herself as the one who needs care above the child, when it should be both.

With the rich and famous, masking opens up more opportunities to be in public and not be identified. For those aspiring to be rich and famous, they too can dress differently and go around town in mask for a different experience. It is a chance for the affluent to be fashionable and show their sense of fashion by affording specialized masks to coordinate with their outfits. An article was posted about the Queen of England who wears a mask that matches her daily wardrobe of brightly colored suits. I also saw a young woman in downtown Dallas who had a mask made of the exact material of her outfit.  

While some cultures such as Islam require head coverings, covering the face is new for most Western cultures. Will this develop a greater appreciation for our mouths? An uncovered mouth is needed for sound and volume. Many hard of hearing must be affected by not being able to hear people who have mouth coverings on. It may create a new vision for how we see people, noticing the person rather than the external qualities. The mouth is also used for reading facial expressions. A person can take a vacation from smiling and no one will even know. I’ve even seen people stick their tongue out at me from behind their mask. And as for revenue from foundation makeup and lipstick, I would imagine sales are down. Personally, I prefer to be mask-free as much as possible, but follow policies where wearing a mask is required.

Wearing a mask is the perfect prelude to a reformation of etiquette in our culture. After being in timeout with the Coronavirus, with shelter in place, we were able to have a greater appreciation for our freedom and ability to interact with one another. Covering the mouth and nose, can visually signify halting gossip and nosiness, which is also indicative of rudeness. When restrictions were lifted for public shopping, it was a renewed experience of respectfulness of distance and the exclusiveness of having space while shopping. People were obedient to this and cautious of infecting others by following social distancing procedures. Now that most places have opened up, there seems to be not much difference as everyday life returns to normal. When we take our masks off, we will see other people’s faces again. What it would be like to remove the band-aids over our mouths and noses yielding a healed and healthy society of people. Furthermore, what if being mask-free meant a world culture safe from the Coronavirus, and one with a greater respectfulness for each other in our interactions and speech.  

Note: It is noted that the Coronavirus is real and has caused many deaths worldwide. This article is written from another perspective hoping to present other points such as how well marketed the Coronavirus has been with precautions followed seamlessly by the majority of the population because of the scare. A lack of respectfulness in today’s culture is equally contagious and deadly, which is a natural segue to this current worldwide concern.


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SAY…WHAT!?! About Speech

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If you think Freedom of Speech means the freedom to say anything, think again. Defamation and other speech can be civil offenses. On the 4th of July we celebrate our country’s independence and the freedoms we have as Americans. The First Amendment protects the freedom of speech but how are many turning this into the liberty of hate speech? Learn more about defamation, slander, and effective communication. The content below shares valuable information on communication and the different between good speech and traps that we fall in with our tongue. View the infographic and read or listen to the podcast here!

Download the Infographic: How-To Communication with Etiquette SAY…WHAT!?!

What you says matters and speaking well of others is where winners are at. Join Clean Up Dallas with Culture and Kindness for the podcast: How To Phrase It and You Can Quote Me. This podcast talks about how what you say matters especially when Freedom of Speech is taken too far. Learn ways to improve your relationships and how you speak by listening to the podcasts this month and joining this month’s online book discussions. Reach for a higher standard when it comes to communication. Be Cultured. Be Kind.

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How-To Phrase It and You Can Quote Me


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Free Speech: Ten Principles for a Connected World
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Speak If Thou Dare:
An Absolutist Defence of the Freedom of Speech in the Age of Enforced Silence

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Shouting Fire: Stories From The Edge Of Free Speech

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Sex Trafficking Lite

With an estimated 4.8 million victims of sex trafficking worldwide, the United States surpasses other countries with the number of consumers increasing each year. As an industry which is illegal and immoral, many victims are forced into slave labor for sexual services. For sex traffickers, it generates an easy and profitable income. Although sex trafficking is a very serious concern, using women sexually for gain is part of U.S. society already, even legally. If within U.S. culture sex is seen as an acceptable way to appease any discrepancy, particularly in the business world—then what is in question is, how many of these women willingly agree to provide services in situations where there is a mild degree of force or expectation?

It may seem to be advantageous to give into demanded sexual situations if there is a benefit associated with it. With a tight economy, there may seem to be no other option. At the demand of a 3rd party, a woman might be expected to perform in some sexual way for another person, who is probably known, in exchange for non-monetary payment. As long as all involved get some benefit, it is a win-win, and for the performer, an extra means for perks. In the business world, a threat for employment may be enough for an individual to stretch boundaries to concede to sexual expectations to retain a job or as a double benefit for themselves and another individual. It might be being expected to be sexually available to a manager to protect their reputation, or as a way to be hired. There is a fine line between prostitution for employment and these encounters which mirror the sex trafficking model on a lesser level. How willing an individual is plays a factor into being enlisted for sexual services. What may be initially thought of as a one-time-sexual-incident, might end up being a subscription to the individual with the expectation to repeat sexual acts. Set intervals then become the standard to renew the agreement over and over. While these may be forced by another, each individual has a responsibility to set their own boundaries, and even in the most desperate situations, still has the right to say “no” and find other avenues.

A common complaint among women is there is an expectation to fulfill sexual needs of men within professional and social settings. Minorities, who are not Caucasian, are often expected to be the ones who will be available. The stereotype is not far from being accurate that certain ethnicities of women do not think twice about being expected to fulfill high demands of sexual needs—for them it is seen as innate to their culture. While it may not have been as prevalent of an expectation with Caucasians, it is becoming more incorporated as an expectation as cultures mix socially and within the workplace. For minorities who are in financial situations, using sex even if for a non-monetary benefit can be seen as profitable. If a person is expected to perform anyway, then why not do it for a perk or benefit? While the individual may not be open to full porn services which they market themselves for, they may be open to giving into the requests of a 3rd party to perform services if it is seen as more classy and has benefits as a result. For the philanthropically inclined, being coerced into sex may just need a little rebranding. By shifting their perspective to see a requested sexual favor as for the benefit of another, it is seen as a more worthy approach to what is demanded. Therefore, although reluctancy might exist, the service is considered acceptable. In some cases, individuals can be coerced not by threat, but by concept. Rather than selling sex as a mandatory activity, the non-official sex trafficker paints the sexual request done for another as a volunteer activity and one which would require a generous spirit, of which the person is capable of. This good karma will result in connections with desired sex partners and other non-tangible benefits.

Similar to those who are used in the business world or other settings, are those of wealth. Females of affluent families may be expected to be available for sexual services because of their status or as a social expectation of politeness. This can occur in work or social settings. Although they may not be coerced by a trafficker, it may be strongly indicated by a 3rd party, such as a family member or friend, as necessary. In this case, the required interaction is seen as an allegiance to continue a bond between families socially as a “tipping of a hat” of sorts. Providing sexual acts may be also self-demanded because of their upbringing. These interactions while they may or may not be enjoyed, have a relatively low threat level. It would be inaccurate that this obligation would the considered as sex slavery. Although it may be demanded the expectation is still within the acceptable boundaries these women set for themselves and participate in willingly without saying “no”.

Within the family, children are also subject to sexual demands with older members of the family serving as low-level traffickers. Children from the time they start becoming sexually active, might be expected to perform sexual services for the benefit of another. As minors, some are too young to live outside of the home. As a sex nuance, the child might be enticed with a benefit or gift in exchange for a high expectation to strip, be fondled or have sex at the request of a family member to win them over for specific reasons. Children may not know how to report the situation if they even realize this is wrong. Others might be abused if they do not do what is expected. Minors, even as teenagers may not see any other option, as they are trapped living in the home.

Beyond these work and society expectations, traffickers exist who manage loose business operations offering sexual services on-call as a provider of “a resource-in-place”. These calls are set up through a 3rd party who manages women in different areas to be on-call to show up in case there is a need to offset any perceived inconveniences or flaw of a specific person present there. Services are called upon, to simply show up and be available, whether needed or not. These connoisseur services are managed by a 3rd party who pays the “on-call sex temp” a small amount of cash, to be available in case sex is needed, for the perceived safety or benefit of another. A woman wanting to earn extra money, might be called upon to go to a local establishment to be available to provide for sexual services if needed to offset the inconvenience of another present. In many cases, there may not even be a threat or expectation from anyone there. The “one being saved” may have nothing to do with the connoisseur agreement, and in fact be humiliated as the “sex savior” shows up to advertise the unnecessary need. The 3rd party pays the woman, who has a chance of being needed, and she is expected, if requested, to offer exposure, stripping, or sex, for any offense. In a sense, the coercion is placed on the business owner who is forced to welcome a person offering suggestive services at the expense of his business. Without questioning for more information, some managers may see it as a favor bestowed to them. The 3rd party uses it as an intent to build a relationship with the business and to provide a low-risk, quick cash opportunity for the resource.

The same occurs in the business world to offset any potential error made by an employee. A 3rd party hires a woman who is paid to be the backup refund policy with sexual services she offers. Third parties will advertise such services even prior to employment of a candidate. The 3rd party provides the opportunity for these sexual providers to be available and recruits them to advertise their services as part of the package of what a new-hire brings to a company. Several issues exist with this. The first is that the candidate has no part of the negotiation. Secondly, it is presenting the idea that an offset is needed, and even prior to starting a new job. Thirdly, it is selling the idea that this type of prostitution becomes the expectation for anyone’s employment and works as an advantage to sell the candidate. Sexual services become the expectation for any employer that does not receive 100% accuracy or 100% satisfaction. There is no room for human error, gives no credibility to the hiring team, and encourages a culture of sex in the workplace. It is an unprofessional employment accessory which is being marketed as the new standard.

The highest-level of coercion by traffickers to willful participants, is discrimination. This trafficking is unique in that it spreads discrimination of an individual for employment and within society if not available for sexual services. Instead of the sex trafficker managing the sexual service, they manage the prevention of an individual being hired for employment or shunned within society until the sexual activity they desire occurs. Meanwhile, they revere the sexually available as more worthy of existence in any setting. This oppression, besides shutting doors, can take many forms of verbal disgrace, shun, and public humiliation. Propaganda can be passed to employers to shun a new-hire throughout entire teams and to customers, disregarding all HR policies and ending new jobs within a couple of days or even just a few hours. Traffickers select key individuals who will spread sexual hate comments, within the workplace, to earn a few extra dollars, at the expense of an employee present to be humiliated. Greater propaganda influences the views throughout cities in all places to publicly humiliate and mock. The thought process is by persisting with this, forcing their demands, the person with other standards will eventually concede. It can continue for years, if not decades, as sex trafficking members involved become so determined on forcing a situation with the intent of seeing conformity to their demands.

In the end, boundaries are important to have for any female. Parents need to teach children boundaries at an early age and what is appropriate sexually and what is not. The word “no” is important for all ages. Each female must determine what is acceptable and what isn’t, and to what extent she can sacrifice her life to it. Ultimately, sexual permission is in the hands of the individual, and anything else should be able to be walked away from, or if taken against her will then the individual(s) involved should be incriminated.

Written for Our Bread Foundation, Inc., June 2020


Learn more – See these resources…

Books
Sex Trafficking: Inside the Business of Modern Slavery
by Siddharth Kara

Teaching True Love to a Sex-at-13 Generation
by
Eric Ludy

Consent: The New Rules of Sex Education: Every Teen’s Guide to Healthy Sexual Relationships
by Jennifer Lang MD

Movie
Trafficked 
Starring: Ashley JuddElisabeth RöhmSean Patrick Flanery
R-Rating (parents be advised)

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Bo Mom Knows

Word up…

Mom knows first before her child heads to the birthday party that the parents were planning to bag up half of the attendees and kill off 1/3 of the 1st grade class.

Sound shocking? Well it happens.

Mom’s got the Word…

Mom knows first, even before the child even got into the car to go to the party. And she even knows who was going to be there and there was a good chance you might end up driving home with an intoxicated friend.

Bo, glad Mom knows and cared…

Being involved in your child’s life is more than just chauffeuring them to the next event and checking their grades. Good parents know where their kids are and who they are hanging out with. In fact, it probably is even a good idea to become friends with some of your kid’s friend’s parents. The time that your child spends with other children and their families has an impact on their views, peer pressure, their grades, their attitudes, and their life. Are you one of those parents who nothing slips by? Then good job, your child is safer than most. If you don’t, spend some time learning more about your child and how they spend their time when you aren’t around. This doesn’t mean limiting their freedom, but as their parent you are responsible for their life and should be aware of how they are being influenced. Ultimately you may incur extra problems if you don’t. And quite frankly, when you are that nosy with your child who is a minor, you are the kind of parent who cares.

—Clean Up Dallas with Culture and Kindness


View Amazon affiliate links to related topics…

Positively Disciplined to Be a Kind Kid

Families set the foundation for how children first learn to be loving and interact with others. The values children are raised with become a core part of how they view the world and live their life. Although influenced later in life as teens, in college, and as adults, the core system of beliefs are essential to win against any trial when tested.

To instruct children is not enough. Forming them means a constant push and pull of keeping them aligned until values and discipline becomes part of their lifestyle. When parents teach, they lead by explanation, by modeling, and by providing gentle but firm correction. It is important that parents communicate expectations and what consequences will occur if expectations are not followed.

There is a difference between correction which focuses on the error, and correction which is positive and builds up. Telling a child, “You lied and are going to be nothing but a liar when you grow up”, is not as helpful or encouraging as, “I know you realize how important honesty is.” Affirming, correcting, being positive, and stating facts with minimal blame is the best approach to discipline. A child needs to know they are loved, and there is room for mistakes, but that there are expectations.

Parents must be consistent in what they teach, in what they say, and how they live. They also must be respectful and maintain self-control. Being respectful, parents teach their children how to maturely have a conversation and also how to deal with others during conflict. They do not tolerate name calling, tantrums, or using insults to tear down. Parents also must not lose control, agitated by children or the circumstance. A calm demeanor helps de-escalate confrontations. Always strive to maintain peace, setting time-limits to arguments and consequences, and restoring children to good standing with a clean slate.

Teaching children how to be kind begins at an early age. Parents teach there are boundaries, the importance of sharing, not to cheat or steal, consideration of others, honesty, being polite, practicing generosity, being truthful, standing up for what is right, being respectful, responsible, and obedient to rules or face consequences. These are essential foundations of love and ethics which breed a “Kind Kid” and not just a “Kind Kid” but one who will be successful in having good interactions and spread kindness to others their entire life.

Your Kind, Matters.


Find these books on Amazon

Books on Discipline

Toddler Discipline for Every Age and Stage: Effective Strategies to Tame Tantrums, Overcome Challenges, and Help Your Child Grow
by Aubrey Hargis and Breana Sylvester PhD
How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7
by Joanna Faber and Julie King


Family Facetime

One benefit as a result of the Coronavirus quarantine, is spending more time at home. For families who are always on the go, this is an opportunity to spend quality time with the family.

With many families, the time spent together as a family is considerably less than it historically has ever been. Spending time as a family helps bring together the family as a unit while providing the opportunity to teach values to children. Parents and children probably spend more time engrossed in their electronics than with each other. True face time, however, is invaluable. Children need to be loved and learn to love, which can only truly be fostered by spending time in person. The time you invest now with your children teaches them how to be loving people. They learn how to survive in a world of hate and how to love others.

Plan some family time if you haven’t had the chance. Try to get on a regular schedule to plan for family events. If you don’t already eat together because of other commitments, try to make it a point to eat dinner every night, or at least most of the week rather than grabbing something on the go. Plan for family game nights. Plan for family outings or a big vacation and have the family members help contribute by giving each family member a specific part in planning for the trip.

You’ll find that family disagreements are easier resolved when you spend more time in front of each other. Families grow together and love each other when time is spent as a family in person. Face it–families need face time to nurture family.

Build Your Kind. With Face Time.

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Books

 

Goals for Etiquette and Manners

Whether you are attending a social or business gathering, in line at the grocery store, or on the cell phone, it is important to remember to use good etiquette and have good manners. Do you catch yourself interrupting people? Using profanity? Speaking negatively? Destroying hope? Gossiping? Making remarks or nickname-calling which could be insulting and hurtful to another? Does the cell phone take priority over the person in front of you? These are just some ways which may be ideas to incorporate into your goals for 2020.

You might think to yourself you don’t do any of these that often, or that it isn’t that important. Take a tally of how often you do these and see which ones score the highest which you could set a goal for. Watch your relationships approve socially and professionally by practicing good etiquette and becoming more conscientious of being respectful.


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Loving Kind: Putting Others First

Love is a big word. It encompasses the feeling you with God, within romantic relationships, for your parents, your child, husband, wife, love for your dog, your favorite ice-cream, and when you enjoy an experience so much that you “just love it!”. In many relationships where there is love, there is also hate. A kind person focuses on seeing what they love rather than focusing on what they hate.

It is easy to be loving when people are nice. We often are very loving to our family and friends—but the people who take advantage of us or are rude and inconsiderate are more of a challenge. The hardest loving kind of task is to love the unkind, or the haters. This are the people who are difficult, who insult, are rude, and who you want to run the other way from rather than counter their rudeness with loving statements and actions.

One of the easiest ways to commit to being loving and kind is to always choose to love. Try using your smile on everyone you meet during the day, greet others with sincerity and warmth, think of thoughtful ways you can do things for another person, speak gingerly on sensitive matters, and give more hugs. Being a loving kind of person is being thoughtful when people are going through a difficult time, listening, affirming with words, or being supportive in other ways. It is choosing to always speak well of others, countering negative talk and gossip about others. It is being welcoming, inclusive, and excited to see someone, grateful they exist and appreciating their good qualities.

Kindness is love in action by having empathy and consideration for another person and acting upon it. We all can do this, even if it is in a small way. Notice people who could use extra kindness especially this month. You might pick a certain person and see what you can do over a certain amount of time. See how your kindness affects them. One of the easiest ways is in how we speak. Sincere compliments and words of kindness are rare. Notice who may need kind words and speak them. How many times do you catch yourself speaking hatefully? Speak only of the positive about anything and be generous in what you have to say about others.

Most of all, loving others means putting others first. Bring a smile on their face. When you love another person by considering their wants, feelings, and needs as a priority, you are being loving and the kind of person others want to be around. Practice kindness by loving this way to all you meet. You will increase in humbleness and you will see that you are loving people with your kindness without even trying.

When you love, it comes back to you in some way! It’s always worth being a loving kind of person—and run toward kindness as fast as you can!

—Clean Up Dallas with Culture and Kindness
@cultureofkind


Love to read more? Shop these books online…

The Power of Kindness:
The Unexpected Benefits of Leading a Compassionate Life–Tenth Anniversary Edition

by Piero Ferrucci and Dalai Lama

HumanKind: Changing the World One Small Act At a Time
by Brad Aronson

The Hidden Power of Kindness: A Practical Handbook for Souls Who Dare to Transform the World, One Deed at a Time
by Lawrence G. Lovasik


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Kindness for Kids through Belief and Involvement

“Way to go!”, “Give me a high-five!” When kids receive praise, they know they’ve done a good job and it encourages them to “keep up the good work!”. Kids beam when they receive accolades for their achievements and it encourages future good work. Kids need positive reinforcement, especially initially, until they develop their own voice of self-encouragement by believing in themselves. At any age, it always feels good to receive encouragement and praise and can be a positive force for inspiration for further endeavors.

Likewise, a child may feel dejected because of struggles with achievement or being unaccepted by peers. It is important that parents and teachers be on the lookout for signs of this and encourage them with “well, it didn’t go as planned, but let’s look at the positive take-aways and be optimistic at what the future holds”. Encouraging a child to persevere and move past discouragement teaches optimism, self-respect, self-esteem building, and perseverance. Children need to learn to look beyond the current moment of trial as an area of transition and look at the overall picture of life with new moments to look forward to. Additionally, some children without these perseverance skills or healthy support systems may feel suicidal. Parents and teachers need to look for those kids who are facing despair and reach out to them to find out what is going on. Besides encouraging them, you might as very well be saving a life!

@cultureofkind


Books to encourage…Amazon reads