Mysterious, chocolate covered candies of sweetness all in different shapes and coatings lined up in neat little rows, ready to be enjoyed. Referencing the card or box is the only way to tell what might be delighting your taste buds next. Which one is the ‘best’ is hard to tell, but most of them will probably suit your fancy.
Each person is unique, just like these chocolates in a box. Many classify people by trying to match them against the persona of ‘the ideal type’. Whomever sets these criteria listens to what our culture finds as the most satisfying, pleasing, and acceptable. These qualities are sure to make 100% of everyone happiest. Usually the recommendations as to what is ‘best’ are in reference to physical attributes or materialistic possessions. If you want the perfect person, you must look for xyz or else, it won’t work. If you do not have these clothes, this house, this demeanor, this belief system, then you are not in-bounds. These hypercritical people spend so much time pointing out what is wrong with others, instead of using their time more productively identifying what does works for them and seeking companionship with those Even better use of time would be for these nitpickers to work on fine-tuning what is lacking in themselves which might be contributing to their unhappiness.
Self-confidence is sometimes achieved in a negative way by nitpicking at others faults in areas which are not a concern to that person. A much better approach would be to focus on the attributes that are best liked in others. By accentuating these, a person learns to appreciate the uniqueness of each individual and the gifts that person bring to this world. If a person is not liked, move on. It’s that simple. There are 7.5 billion people who are out there to be met. What good does it do to tear people down who you don’t like? In fact, when it comes to civility it is considered rude to point out what you do not like in others. A person cannot be that attached to what they do not like in someone. It is better to walk away rather than try to get another person to change to meet what you would like to see, especially if it is not important to them. People are not meant to be forced to fit into the same sized cube. Not everyone is going to look the same, believe the same, or want the same things you do.
To some, respecting differences in others comes naturally. They enjoy people because they are different, and there is enough common ground which exists to maintain a friendship. These people find it refreshing to be around many different kinds of people who add an eclectic aspect to their social interactions. A wider perspective is needed for those who cannot see past differences. Instead of seeing uniqueness, or focusing on the positive attributes, they become hostile and attacking. These people would benefit from wearing special filtered glasses. They need to realize that their cube is not the only cube. Expanding their minds with special glasses might open new frontiers for them.
Respect others with silence and an open mind toward learning about their perspective or beliefs. Find commonality, grow empathy, and accentuate the positive. Try to observe that a view might be different does not qualify the acceptance of a person’s existence. When despised differences are made into the intolerance of the person’s existence, stereotypes and discrimination form. Each person, no matter what their perspective is, should be given dignity and human worth. Some people will be better suited for you than others, and in fact, most probably will work with your persona of ideal, and even within the margins you have around that ideal which define your acceptability range…but for those who aren’t within your framework, destroying them because they are not the same as you, is not OK. There is value in having differing opinions, and civility should still be maintained despite differences.
Try this. Buy a variety box of chocolates. You can even find a small box at the dollar store. When you open it look at the chocolates and I would guess a smile would come to your face. Those, you could say, are all the people you could meet—you just don’t know what they are about or what they are inside. You are only judging by appearance and what you think they are about. Then pick one, delicately take a bite and admire the inside, and see if it is satisfactory. It probably is a taste of the divine. If not, then you can try another one. What would be worse never getting to know anything different than your view and giving it some worth. In essence it is insulting the Maker because of all the reasons you cannot stand this on or that one, and not finding any quality to appreciate. There is beauty and appreciation to be found in everyone. What is so nice is the uniqueness of each individual..
Read more on this topic. Shop Amazon!
The War for Kindness: Building Empathy in a Fractured World
by Jamil Zaki
The Gifts of Acceptance: Embracing People And Things as They Are
by Daniel A. Miller
The Path to Understanding, Acceptance, Compassion, Respect and Love
by Miriam Adahan
Box of Chocolates