Order To Go

It was thick with beads of sweat hanging off of it, but not too many. The thickness was of ravishing buffalo or cattle that could not escape. The red, wagon wheel and limp, transparent accessories were smashed together with oozing yellow, red, white, and orange all over—a mess of tangy, tongue, tantalizing sauciness—or with the perception of a visual artist, a delightful smattering of mixed colors like paint. A side of salty, soft sticks, still not touched were splattered with red, indicating their fate. 1500 or 2500 is about what it registers, and at the register shift the decimal—food for the palette for the mere price of $2.50.

What a great expense it is, to a person with more beads, not being able to escape the messy tongues and sauciness of the workers who splatter red upon one’s reputation, with thousands influenced, and at such a cheap price.


Be Inspired to Cook Burgers and Steaks like a Chef…Shop Affiliates!

Food
6 – 8 oz Private Reserve Agnus Burgers
Omaha Steaks

6 – 5.3 oz Delmonico Burgers
Omaha Steaks

The Organic Meat Co, Organic Grass-Feed Beef Burgers, 4 Count, 16 oz (Frozen)
The Organic Meat Co.

Mrs Baird’s Hamburger Buns, 8 count, 12 oz
Mrs. Baird’s

Kitchen Appliances
Cuisinart GR-4N 5-in-1 Griddler, 13.5″(L) x 11.5″(W) x 7.12″(H)
Silver with Silver/Black Dials

Cuisinart

Books
The Service Culture Handbook:
A Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Your Employees Obsessed with Customer Service

by Jeff Toister

The Customer Service Revolution:
Overthrow Conventional Business, Inspire Employees, and Change the World

by John R. Dijulius III  

Online Shows with Amazon Prime
Bonkers Burgers
From golden buns to the world’s cheesiest cheeseburgers, INSIDER has seen some truly bonkers burgers! Watch these shows by worldwide chefs!

Amazon Prime Subscription
Start Free Trial Now
*Unlimited instant streaming of thousands of movies and TV shows
*FREE Two-Day Shipping on millions of items
*Unlimited, ad-free streaming of over a million songs and more Prime benefits


Return to article postings

Words & Phrases: How To Phrase It

How you speak matters, and so does knowing ‘when to chew it’. The Freedom of Speech does not mean it is acceptable to say just anything. Slander, defamation, and verbal abuse are abuse of the freedom of speech and are even a liability for a civil lawsuit. Knowing how to speak properly makes a difference in employment showing good communication skills. Thinking before you speak gives you a chance to form what you have to say in the most positive and polite manner. This infographic and podcast shares information on how to express what you have to say in a civilized way.

Download the Infographic: How-To Think Before You Speak: Words and Phrases

Are you left tongue tied because of rude speech? Are you wondering how to lick the rudeness? Join Clean Up Dallas with Culture and Kindness as host Cheryl Vaca presents the podcast: Tongue Tied: How To Lick the Rudeness by Using Better Etiquette. Identifying offensive ways of speaking in everyday conversations is a way to improve communication with others. Raise the standard for civilized communication by striving to speak respectfully and with good tact. Be Cultured. Be Kind.

Listen to the Podcast:
How-To Phrase It: And You Can Quote Me

Read the Script for the Podcast:
How-To Phrase It: And You Can Quote Me PODCAST


Shop for these books on related topics…See these affiliate recommendations!

How to Say It, Third Edition:
Choice Words, Phrases, Sentences, and Paragraphs for Every Situation

by Rosalie Maggio

Tongue Tied: How To Lick the Rudeness by Using Better Etiquette PODCAST

PODCAST SCRIPT

Hi! This is Clean Up Dallas with Culture and Kindness and today is June 24, 2020. Today’s podcast is Tongue Tied and today we’re going to talk about how to lick the rudeness by using better etiquette.

Speaking can really get us in trouble sometimes if we aren’t careful. Using good taste and using good tact is part of civilized communication. There are several types of negative habits that are used when speaking that make conversation unpleasant. There is a good book which we will be discussing later this weekend on June 27 in our online Facebook book club. The book is called 30 Days to Taming Your Tongue, What You Say (and don’t say) Will Improve Your Relationships by author, Deborah Smith Pegues. I encourage everyone to join the discussion—so be sure to RSVP online on the Clean Up Dallas with Culture and Kindness Facebook page. The book goes into 30 different negative ways of speaking that we easily can get caught up in. If you would like to have better conversations, you’ll want to take a look at this book as it identifies communication habits which can be offensive and negative. I hope you will join us!

Assess your Own Tongue
Tongue tied as to where to begin to have more pleasant conversations and wondering how to lick the rudeness? Well, the first step is sticking your tongue out for an assessment! Which ways do you communicate which need some work? If you aren’t sure, spend today or this week noticing how you talk to others. Are you complaining? Do you belittle others when you talk? Whether it is being discouraging by speaking with a downbeat tone, speaking as a know-it-all, lying and speaking mis-truths, using manipulation, or other ways of being rude…there are several ways people speak which are not pleasant to listen to or be around. By identifying these, you can resolve how to change how you speak and see how those you interact with enjoy the conversation more.

Identify the Way Others Speak
The second step for improving rudeness in communication is to identify the way others speak which may not be pleasant. Do you have a friend who uses profanity frequently? It can be harsh to listen to and make a person uncomfortable and in some cases even be verbally abusive. What about the person who loves to gossip? Listening to gossip can seem intriguing but it is a negative habit to pick-up and is damaging to the person it is about as well as your own reputation. What about those who lack tact when they speak and talk. They talk about taboo topics which are sexual in nature, lude, racist or discriminatory. These conversations are digressive and it would be more enjoyable if of another caliber—there are so many other more pleasant and respectful things to speak about than “gutter talk”. How do you address people who speak this way? Are situations like this leaving you tongue tied? The best way is to confront the person and let them know. Choose your words carefully, address the person and politely let them know what they are saying is offensive to you. If you don’t let them know, they may not know what they are doing is offensive. There are also times to remain silent. It is easy to get caught up in responding rudely to someone who is rude. The person you are addressing will get the message clearer if you speak simply and with respect rather than getting into a heated argument. If they still don’t stop, then limit your conversation with them to just formality and politeness. There are more enjoyable people to talk to, why spend time where your ears are being battered and where you can be brought down? Spend time listening to people who use their tongue to speak kindly and positively. The result will be a budding relationship in good taste.

There are a number of ways of rude communication in the way people speak about others. Remember the game telephone? You probably played it as a kid. It’s where someone tells someone something and then it is passed from one person to the next until it finally gets to the last person. The last person who reports what was transferred usually ends up with an entirely different message than what the first person said to begin with. It is so easy to twist the message of others to another meaning. Unless you are speaking to the source, you may not have the correct information. Be careful in what you share and be careful in what you hear. If it is personal business sometimes the best call is to not speak about it until you can find the few you can trust.

The gossiping tongue and meddling tongue are probably among the most challenging. Even in the most conservative settings like churches, it is not unusual to find gossipers who will ruin your name and the positive experience of being at church to worship; and it happens in plenty of other settings as well. Gossipers, those who spread information about others, and meddlers, those who want to protrude into the lives of others, are not sensitive to the other person’s life. They are insensitive and hurtful by being disrespectful with their conversations, comments, and prying questions. Even reverse gossip, the gossip of telling people they are trying to stop gossip or forewarning them of a situation, can still be gossip and is something to avoid. An example is when someone says “don’t say this…” but still mentions what the topic is about. Tie it up by standing up for the person who is being talked about. Tie up the conversation and let the person know you are not interested in hearing it and don’t hang around for more.

There are also plenty of people who have “an authoritative voice” which translates to an authoritative sounding tongue. These people, because of the way they communicate, sound like they are the expert and because of the tone of voice they use they can easily command others with what they tell them. They are natural salesmen and what they say does not need much explanation. No one questions their validity for some reason and really it has a lot to do with the fact they have an authoritative tone of voice. As expert con-artists, painting the picture to what they want you to believe, they have the ability to make it sound like you are their best friend who they are sharing important information with, even if you are a stranger. These people can be especially dangerous when it comes to gossip spreading. Anyone will buy their story and do whatever they tell them to spread it on to others, even if it is contorted from the actual truth, or is unnecessary to speak about to begin with.

Also avoid monkeying with monikers. Name-calling which is typical of little children, is not immune to the adult world. This type of juvenile communication exists among adults and is a form of bullying. While a name or phrase to describe someone may seem like a joke, it can be highly offensive. These monikers, or nicknames, can become popular and cause uncontrollable damage once it becomes attached as the new name for the person. It can become a form of public humiliation and shun. We hear these all the time for overweight people, ability, looks, beauty marks or perceived flaws, things that the common population may not agree with and find it a way to shun someone by mockery. It is a beautiful thing that we all were given a name at birth. Nicknames are fine, as long as the person finds it as acceptable. If not, it is offensive and harassment, is a form of targeted hate.

Pray for Your Tongue
The third way to tie up your tongue from speaking in ways which are unkind, is by praying for your tongue and speech. Hold yourself accountable by having a checklist of how you spoke throughout the day and see if you can do better next time. There are plenty of good quotes in the Bible and online which you can use for motivation. Think before you speak and remember to always speak gently, kindly and with charity. Over time you will become more well-spoken.

Follow Clean Up Dallas with Culture and Kindness on Facebook and WordPress and @cultureofkind on Twitter. Be cultured. Be kind.

Listen to the Podcast


Interested in learning more? Shop Amazon for these product recommendations!

Shop for More Books on this Topic
Communication and Etiquette  |  Bullying

Other Recommended Books
Choosing Civility

by P.M. Forni

The Civility Solution: What to Do When People Are Rude
by P.M. Forni

The Case for Civility: And Why Our Future Depends on It
by Os Guinness 

Mere Civility: Disagreement and the Limits of Toleration
by Teresa M. Bejan

Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior In Company and Conversation
by George Washington and Tony Darnel


 

 

 

Linguistic Linguine: The Multi-Conversationalists

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago when my ears finally clued into the fact that most of the population has the talent to be able to hold multiple conversations at the same time. I cannot do this, and I may never be able to do this. In fact, I am a very strong proponent of having only one conversation at a time and to converse directly with another.

There seems to be two conversational styles which exist and maybe even a third. The first style is being able to intertwine a second conversation within the current conversation. If a person is speaking to another person, they may have another secondary topic they are addressing as they speak. The problem is, you may be very tuned into listening to the primary topic that they are speaking about, and devoting your entire attention to it, that you miss out on the second conversation, or may get it later. This is not much fun for the talented multi-speaker as they may not receive the satisfaction they desire for a response. However, it may be received later by the the one-level-of-conversation-at-a-time listener later in the day or weeks later as they recall what was said.

The second method, of talented conversationalists, is to be able to throw their conversation across the room in a discrete manner. Now I have seen someone who has been able to do this to 4-5 people at the same time. It was my 8-year old niece, in fact, at a Thanksgiving dinner. There is not an age limit to this and I’m not sure how people learn to do this, but it is useful. A person can speak below the volume level of the noise in the room using a normal voice level, or of a just slightly quieter tone, and speak to someone across the room. Ears up, most hear, and can speak back.

The third method is making references to situations or things which the listener must quickly interpret to understand what is trying to be communicated. While puzzles are fun, a person must be very quick to figure out what is meant. If not on the same wavelength, it could be hours later before they know what you were referring to. Some like to give other people “something to munch on” for later. If you are a conversationalist who does this and needs immediate gratification for your cleverness, this may not be the best method for those who need extra time to figure out what you are talking about.

While my ears have started to learn to be able hear better, I would stress that there are people like me out there who are not able to converse this way. If someone is not able to talk or listen in this way, it is always best to speak at the level of communication that can be understood. If a person continues to communicate in a way that cannot be understood, then it defeats the purpose of communication.

It’s how you phrase it.

—Clean Up Dallas with Culture and Kindness


Read more about communication styles…


SAY…WHAT!?! About Speech

Image

If you think Freedom of Speech means the freedom to say anything, think again. Defamation and other speech can be civil offenses. On the 4th of July we celebrate our country’s independence and the freedoms we have as Americans. The First Amendment protects the freedom of speech but how are many turning this into the liberty of hate speech? Learn more about defamation, slander, and effective communication. The content below shares valuable information on communication and the different between good speech and traps that we fall in with our tongue. View the infographic and read or listen to the podcast here!

Download the Infographic: How-To Communication with Etiquette SAY…WHAT!?!

What you says matters and speaking well of others is where winners are at. Join Clean Up Dallas with Culture and Kindness for the podcast: How To Phrase It and You Can Quote Me. This podcast talks about how what you say matters especially when Freedom of Speech is taken too far. Learn ways to improve your relationships and how you speak by listening to the podcasts this month and joining this month’s online book discussions. Reach for a higher standard when it comes to communication. Be Cultured. Be Kind.

Listen to the Podcast
How To Phrase It and You Can Quote Me

Read the Script for the Podcast
How-To Phrase It and You Can Quote Me


Read more. Shop Amazon!

Free Speech: Ten Principles for a Connected World
by Timothy Garton Ash

Speak If Thou Dare:
An Absolutist Defence of the Freedom of Speech in the Age of Enforced Silence

by Michael Tapakoudes

Movie
Shouting Fire: Stories From The Edge Of Free Speech

Amazon Prime
Join Amazon Prime – Free Trial Membership!
Watch Thousands of Movies & TV Shows Anytime.


Return to article postings


Swearing Not My Type

Mouth of a sailor. Tide for the mouth. What is your tongue wearing? What are your ears subjected to from others?

People use swear words to “be cool or tough” or indignantly say them out of frustration. It can easily become habit. Why is it that people choose to use crass language and profanity to communicate? It might make a person seem more dangerous if they speak roughly using these unnecessary words. This type of communication may also be used as a form of artillery to attack another person. To bombard another person with unpleasant speech can be a method to alleviate feelings of hate or frustration which are built up. Some involuntary start spewing profanity during heated arguments to try to gain advantage in conflict or out of desperation to express anger.

Speech is a gift. Words used correctly can ring pleasantly in the ears of another to warm their soul. Words which are used correctly in speech can be a way to show respect to another person.

If you are a swearing addict, here are some creative ways to lick bad habits and strive for a new found tongue:

  1. Come up with words to replace the words you typically use.
  2. Instead of using the whole span of your profane vocabulary, choose only use one word for a certain amount of time before eliminating even that word.
  3. Reward yourself when you choose to speak without swearing.
  4. Bite your tongue and do not speak.
  5. Be conscious of sexual topics and other digressive topics in conversation and choose to talk about other things instead.

You will find your relationships improve drastically. People prefer to be around others who speak respectfully. It will also improve your professionalism at work. Additionally you can avoid habits which are easy to form from using profanity and speaking on inappropriate topics.

Choose to be the civilized type. Raise the standard by speaking politely, even amidst conflict. Use good language and make a choice to steer away from using profanity. Respectful speech wins friends and co-workers more than the damage which swearing can cause.

—Clean Up Dallas with Culture and Kindness


Search these Amazon books and Audio resources…

Books
Conversationally Speaking:
Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness

by Alan Garner

Toxic to Transformed 100 Words of Life to Renew the Mind:
A Verbal & Emotional Abuse Recovery Devotional

by Donna L. Lewis

The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Expanded Third Edition:
How to recognize it and how to respond

by Patricia Evan

Verbal and Emotional Abuse [June Hunt Hope for the Heart Series]
by June Hunt

Verbal Abuse: Survivors Speak Out on Relationship and Recovery
by Patricia Evan

I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
by Michael S. Sorenson 

Audio
Lose Your Slang
by Perry Mark Stratychuk

Other
Tide Products


Return to article postings 

 

 

What Is Considered Rude Speech?

Cutting remarks, profanity, ordering instead of asking, speaking too loudly, being inconsiderate, interrupting, talking over another person not letting them speak, nonverbal communication, not being polite, dumbing down a conversation or speaking above the level of the other person, belittling, calling someone names sexual or nonsexual, mockery—these are all examples of rude speech.

It is easy to be misunderstood when communicating. The English language is fairly complicated filled with words which have multiple meanings, idioms, and slang. If you are not a native speaker, it can be that much more challenging to understand what is being communicated. It is more than just understanding what is being said—the context and meaning of what is being said must be understood and anything implied besides! It is so easy to be rude “in a nice way” and slip in added cuts cleverly to conversations to be caught by the ears in all the unpleasantness which is intended. Misunderstanding can also easily happen, especially if communication is not clear. A person might seem rude without even intending to be, if the message is received the wrong way. Questioning rude speech places the spotlight on the speaker to ask why they might have said something rude. Even if they are not honest, making a call that you were offended is part of self-respect and self-dignity which we have a responsibility to speak up for. When it is communicated there has been an insult made, it brings to the forefront that there is a problem, and sometimes this in itself is enough to discourage further rude speech. The speaker has successfully received the attention they were seeking and may decide to stop or at least think twice next time.

Online communication can equally lead to misunderstandings. What is typed may not exactly convey what is intended. Use of emojis and stickers are a good way to add expression to the message. Abbreviations used in text messages and emails also can lead to misunderstandings which can be taken as rudeness. Always clarify what is not understood. It may not mean what you initially thought.

When a person is rude to you, it is very easy to be caught in the moment to respond back equally with a rude comment in defense. Pausing before responding to carefully choose your words is the best way to be respectful and prevent an uncivil argument. Silently counting, adding a pregnant pause before responding can indicate something inappropriate was said. Sometimes the best method to address rudeness is to wait and come back later. It may be something you can ignore or it may not be as significant as it seemed in the moment. Thoughtless words can be said without intending to hurt someone. Question the individual. Start by giving the person the benefit of the doubt, then ask why the rude speech was made, state what was offensive and make a suggestion of what you would like to hear instead or another suggestion to correct it.

Reach for a higher standard of communication. Don’t fight rude speech with rude speech. Try addressing the issue, try humor, try space, try to raise the culture of their communication by leading by example.

—Clean Up Dallas with Culture and Kindness


View these Amazon books…

 

Goals for Speech

What can you say? What are you saying? Setting goals for good etiquette also applies to using slang, profanity, and not being sensitive. Do you realize how easy it is to use abbreviated ways of speaking and choosing grammar which is not correct? While it may be understandable, it may be sending off signals that you lack education, culture and can’t speak or write correctly. Here are some examples:

  • “I be tired”
  • “I is not talking right”
  • “I ain’t doin’ that”
  • “I am not doin’ that”
  • “I got five cents”
  • “I asked did he do it?”
  • “I don’t got none
  • “and then she says that she is going to the store”
  • “She ugly. Something is wrong with the way that person looks”
  • Frequently apologizing to start a sentenceI am sorry. Can you tell me…”
  • Dropping words out of the sentence: they customers”, “he the man
  • Using the wrong tense of a verb: “He have drunk that soda before.”
  • Calling people by inappropriate monikers, racial monikers, or physical monikers: “not had”, “fatso”, “chink”, “spec”, “retard”
  • Double negative: “I don’t got none”
  • Use of the word “like” and overuse of the word “like”: “Like you know?”
  • “Dis” instead of “this”
  • Speaking about sensitive or taboo topics which might make conversation uncomfortable for the others listening
  • Pointing out what you perceive as mistakes in others
  • Mocking other people in sounds or words
  • Ebonics and ‘talkin’ Texan’ should not be an excuse to use poor grammar
  • Confrontational speech with attitude tone and being resistant to almost anything
  • Not speaking to the level of the other person with use of unequal vocabulary, speed, proper tone of voice, language, or holding multiple conversations within the same conversation if they cannot understand or respond
  • Forgetting to use “please”, “thank you”, and “I am sorry”

Style your character. Use proper speech.


Look for these helpful resources on Amazon! Shop and buy…

Mind over Memes: Passive Listening, Toxic Talk, and Other Modern Language Follies
by Diana Senechal

How to Say It, Third Edition:
Choice Words, Phrases, Sentences, and Paragraphs for Every Situation

by Rosalie Maggio

30 Days to Taming Your Tongue:
What You Say (and Don’t Say) Will Improve Your Relationships

by Deborah Smith Pegues

Successful Women Speak Differently:
9 Habits That Build Confidence, Courage, and Influence

by Valorie Burton


Return to article postings

 

 




Your Hang-Ups: Words On the Line

“Art? I can’t draw!”

“I’m fat—I need to lose weight.”

 “He or she is too good for me.”

“I look horrible!”

“What is wrong with me?!”

As top statements inadvertently used as self-criticism when speaking to others, these types of statements are not sales tactics and are an unkind way to speak about yourself. Although these mindless comments come out of the mouth naturally, it would be far better to speak with positiveness rather than emphasize negative qualities. Granted, there may be some truth to these—but these types of remarks tear down the one saying them unconscientiously in order to receive accolades from another to confirm their self-worth.

If you catch yourself saying negative things about yourself, stop, reflect, and rephrase. If you really believe these statements, rather than saying them aloud, remain silent or say something positive instead. There are other things you can do. There are other attributes to accentuate and mention without bragging. Speak well of yourself and watch others recognize you in agreement rather than as a counter-response. If they can’t agree, at least they will admire your positive comments and good self-esteem.

Kindness in speech also means speaking kindly about yourself.

Be Cultured. Be Kind.

—Clean Up Dallas with Culture and Kindness

 

Listen to these YouTube videos on speaking positively about yourself!

Bless Yourself
Joel Osteen is a pastor, televangelist, and author

Speak Life
Joyce Meyer is Charismatic Christian author and speaker and President of Joyce Meyer Ministries

 


Shop these selections on related topics!

Featured:
Books by Joyce Meyer
Books by Joel Osteen

Featured Books on Positive Speech:
Life’s Healing Choices Revised and Updated:
Freedom From Your Hurts, Hang-ups, and Habits

by John Baker and Rick Warren

 

Rolling Out Rude. Rebutting Rudeness.

Flippant comments, rude gestures and actions, mudslinging, and other communication that can’t be humanely understood. Rudeness diminishes and demeans. It devalues the other person through intimidation, threatens, and humiliates. A person is unconsciously seeking control over another person by being rude. Instead of the ‘namaste’ of each person bowing to another person with dignity and respect, one person must ‘conquer’ over the other by making an impolite statement. 

Everyone encounters impoliteness throughout the day. It almost inevitable if people are going to interact with each other. We all have different personalities, backgrounds, and issues which affect our mood. Some people are more adept at controlling reactions and responses more than others. These words which spew out thoughtlessly, or in some cases, intentionally, can be very hurtful to the other party. In today’s culture, it has become acceptable to say whatever is on our mind, whereas in the past the social expectation was to uphold a higher standard of politeness. At a minimum you were expected to be cordial, but impolite rude statements were unthinkable. What we allow is what we make the culture of today and the future to be. Understanding rudeness and how to counter it makes for more civilized society.

There are two kinds of rudeness: focused rudeness and unfocused rudeness. Focused rudeness is rudeness which is targeted at another person and is mean-spirited. There is a deliberate intent of insulting another person and causing a loss for them. Examples of this can be interrupting, gossiping, or controlling a situation to create disadvantage. Unfocused rudeness is usually self-centered, lack of consideration for others such as talking loudly on a cell phone, taking up too much space when space is limited, or cutting in front of line. It is taking liberties without the consideration of the next person. Of course by human nature we are inclined to occasionally make thoughtless and unkind statements or do things which are inconsiderate. While these are impolite, usually they are corrected quickly by those with well-formed consciences, followed by an apology.

There are health effects associated with rudeness. Rudeness can cause unnecessary stress, cardiovascular disease, damage self-esteem, cause mental anguish, emotional problems, lower morale and make daily life and work difficult. Relationships are damaged with rudeness. Over the course of time relationships deteriorate with continual impoliteness which stem from bad manners.

Rudimentary Causes of Rudeness
Rudeness can be a result of internal and external factors. In today’s world, we live in a strangeropolis society. People are perfectly happy being self-absorbed on their cell phones and computers. It is not unusual to not interact with other people for an entire day or even more. People do not care to know other people in person, or even try, because we don’t have to. We are self-sufficient and any information we need can be obtained with technology. However, what technology doesn’t offer as well is the ability to feel the emotion of the person in front of you. Especially when it comes to differences, they are easier to work out in person. Expressions give away hurt feelings, and it is more probable that the rudeness will cease as a result. However, expressions are not 100% foolproof as a means to identify how someone feels. Hurt can be concealed and may silently build up with repeated rudeness.

It is easier to be rude to strangers because we do not really care about them or their lives. It is easier to be polite, if the person is known, as with friends or known acquaintances, because care exists. Human-to-human interactions are an essential part of the human existence. To live as a single is more common than ever before making connecting with people in society even more important. Individuals who live by themselves must connect together in ‘smaller-societies’ whether they are friendships, social groups, or communities. There is a starvation of humanity to be in isolation disconnected from in-person human interactions. We were not put here to connect with others only through our cell phones and computers. When we are in these social circles, we are forced to get along and meld our differences finding compromise or acceptance. It is easier to be polite to those we love and those in front of us, rather than to strangers and people we do not know.

For the cyber-inclined what better refuge than to hide behind the screen of the computer or cell phone. By becoming an avatar or an emoji, we can hide safely and communicate when we want and avoid conversations when we want. There also can be miscommunication in how we might really feel. Video communication may seem that we are instantly connected and are ‘there’ more than ever. However, there is a part of human dignity which is missing from this when it becomes the primary way to communicate. It is a subliminal rudeness when the value of ‘not being there in person’ takes precedent over real-time human presence. There is no replacement for people being face-to-face. Impoliteness is bred when we do not connect in person with people.

Along with communicating via technology, what is acceptable to speak about has metamorphosed. Verbal impoliteness is not being thoughtful with speech. In the past, society had a level of civility which was expected which is lacking today. In many cases, we can speak freely whatever is on our mind, with our opinions at the forefront. What we have to say trumps over any consideration of how it may affect the other person. Culture is much more casual and rudeness has become not just more acceptable, but the standard.

Of course we all have bad days. We have our lives and issues which arise which may cause us to become more easily frustrated with other people and are impolite. How we react is something to be mastered. Some resort to counting before speaking. Others quickly paint situations differently in their mind before responding more positively. Some people are naturally witty and are able to counter impoliteness with humor. Others just blurt out the truth and then tip toe back across the line of being polite again apologizing for their boldness in speech.

A lack of balance can cause rudeness. When a person’s needs are not met, it is fertile ground for impoliteness to sprout. Being sick, tired, or hungry can cause a person to be rude toward others. When we are loved and well nourished, it is much easier to be positive and polite. Being self-centered or being materialistic can also cause rudeness. This can include being too busy for other people, being self-absorbed in work, or viewing self-worth above all others. Rudeness can materialize also, if a person is consumed with materialism. The latest fad becomes more important. Being forgotten and less important, the other individual can become rude. Likewise, insecurities and injustices can cause rudeness because the human worth is not being met with the dignity that is deserved.

Responding to Rudeness
Making a call on intentionally rude people can be a challenging encounter. Depending on the situation, it may be best to say nothing. Silence and curt words can indicate the impoliteness as can expressions. This may be enough to deflate the attention the person is seeking. However, the clearest way to counter impoliteness, is to address it directly and concisely. The impolite person may not realize the effects of what they are saying. Some of the classiest ways to respond to rudeness are with clever, friendly comebacks, but not everyone has this talent. When you are caught off guard and do not know what to say, remember to be polite and gracious in your response. Never feed into the rudeness combating it with rudeness. This will only escalate incivility. Appreciate the fact that the other person is entitled to their own opinion, and acknowledge this, but point out that the rudeness was offensive and hurtful. Keep positive in your response and also optimistic of a positive change from the other person. 

Running from Rudeness
Perhaps you have had a run in with rudeness within your own personality and are interested in being more cultured with kindness and politeness. Jot down situations where you have been less than kind and reflect on how you would respond differently next time. Reflect on how you can make those situations right, if possible, and apologize to the person. Practicing compassion and empathy helps to foster politeness. When you try to understand another person’s situation from their point of view, you’ll find it is next to impossible to be as rude to them. Spend time with people who you have a tendency to be rude to. Get to know them and learn more about them. You may find out you did not have all the information you initially thought. Finally, it is easy to jump on-board with the popularity of gossip. Gossip will form ways of thinking with propaganda of what ‘should’ be believed. You may find yourself aligned with a popularity wave and have no idea how these opinions are rudeness to another or affecting their life. Go the extra mile by giving compliments and spreading a good word about other people to counter digression and foster politeness.

An ‘A’ in Apology
Apologies are gems at restoring relationships and honoring dignity. If you want to be more polite, first start with reflecting on how you may have hurt another person by being rude or insulting them. Then work on mastering sincerity in an apology. The steps to a successful apology are reflection, communication, contrition, and resolution. First reflect on how you were impolite. Communicate to the other person how you can understand of how your rudeness must have affected them. Tell them you are truly sorry with all contriteness, promising not to do it again. Then resolve sincerely to try hard not to do it again.

Rebutting rudeness and rolling in kindness is a call for a higher standard of civilized culture. Rudeness causes hurt feelings at a minimum. Humans find common ground by understanding the experience of another. With empathy, you can relate to what another person may be feeling or the situation they are going through. It is much harder to be rude when you can find care for another person. Interesting enough, the swing of the pendulum can continue to go to yet the other extreme. The Greek philosopher, Aesop once said ‘familiarity breeds contempt or acquaintances softens prejudices’. It is more difficult to be rude to a person who you know. It is easier to be rude to a stranger or someone you don’t understand. With greater familiarity, it becomes easier to take the relationship for granted which can result in the breakdown again of politeness. In all cases, the classiest method is to think of the other before self, stop the mud-slinging of impoliteness, and choose to be polite and kind instead.

—Clean Up Dallas with Culture and Kindness
Be Cultured. Be Kind.

[written for @cultureofkind]


Search for Books on this topic!

by Danny Wallace (Author, Narrator)